I am big. I am small. I am powerful. I am weak. I am an unstoppable force. I can’t conjure up the will to get out of bed. I am charming. I am awkward.
I’m gonna rip you apart. Don’t challenge me.
Please be nice to me. Please accept me. Please validate me.
I am honest. I’ll say it to your face.
I am unable to speak up and share my ideas. Ideas die inside of me.
I work hard. I can make it seem like I’m not even paying attention. I’m still ten steps ahead.
I am lazy. I need motivation. How do I go out and start living?
I am drawing all the attention to myself. I don’t even have to try.
I am insignificant. Why do people look at me like this?
I am so brave. I’ll jump first and think later.
I am a coward. How can the most stupid things scare me like that?
Intelligent. Cunning. Smartass. Bitch. Stupid. Lame.
How can I be so scared to death of even talking to people? Getting all choked up and sweaty, so hard to breathe or make a sound. Sitting there, stupid, useless, hands shaking, stupid expression frozen on my face while they say whatever they want about me…
But that’s not even half of it. Just wait. Wait ’till the other me comes out.The me that looks at you, and you’re the frozen one. The me that talks, and everybody wants to listen. The me they all like to watch walking. Dancing. Breathing.
What brings me out – the other me? Sure. Alcohol is a temporary solution. What will bring it out permanently? I don’t know. Honestly. I know it’s only going to take a huge effort, on my part. But once it’s out? Oh, you’ll know. Don’t worry. Everyone will.
The other 85 percent of potential are waiting. I told you you haven’t seen half of this. And I’m scared. Yes, I am.
Cause if I’m still here. Cause if I managed all this time… what would the other 85percent be able to do? Can you imagine?